slipping away...

I wonder what was I doing,
Doing nothing, looking at everyone grabbing their chance...
I stood there, letting my chance slipping away...

I should have looked for it,
Should have grabbed it...
And I could have just done the same thing as others
But I just let it slipped away...

It's the 1st time I feel the word 'sorry'
is never enough...
Coz I cant turn back the time,
Something that I would regret
And I made them regret
Coz I just let it go like this...
Something that we had waited so long.

Back to be with you - counting down

There were times when I miss you so much, I wanted to rush to the airport and buy a ticket bk home.
There were times I miss you so much that I wanted to cry when I think of you...
Although am going bk in a week, the nearer the days are...more impatient I am...crazier I get...
Never thought to be apart is this hard...
I wanna tell you - 'I dont want to be away from you for this long...I cant stand the feeling of missing me...they are 'eating' me bits by bits...'

How have you been living your life?

We lost our identity...

They were surprised...we speak their language, at the same time we speak many other languages...
We speak Malay (which we have been speaking quite a lot this whole month...)
We speak English, very fluent English, fluent than anyone of them who are here...
We speak Mandarin, the official language of the mainland...
We speak Cantonese, the language of this island...

They were confused who we are...we have the same face that they have, but we are Malaysian.
We were thought to be the Chinese from China...but we do not have neither the Shanghai accent nor Beijing accent...
We were thought to be Macau ppl...but our slangs are different...
I was even thought to be Korean...but till now none of them know I can speak Korean and yet always talked bout us, Malaysian, in front of me...

Do the Chinese from the mainland not know hundred years ago some of your ancestors migrated to South East Asia to work? Havent they learnt World Chineses? Do not tell me they do not have such thing as we have World Englishes. Do they not know there are places at the other part of the world who can speak Chinese? Would they even faint when they see Indian in our country speak Chinese? What have you been feeding yourselves in your life all this while? Coach bags? LV purses? Bobby Brown cosmetics? and mengagung-agungkan the Cabbage...Do you even know how's their culture like? Or you only know the Cabbages from their drama series? Go out and learn some knowledge of the world...I even doubt if they know how many races are there in Malaysia or Singapore? What kind of lifestyle we are leaving?

Do the Cabbage even know where is Malaysia? Who Malaysians are? You are so full of yourselves...Full of your own culture...And so proud of being agung-agung by the Chineses. There are many other races here. Do you even care to know more about the culture of other countries?

I have been a fly on the wall for the past few weeks...to observe the ppl where my ancesters came from...and the Cabbages...YOU really disappointed me...

Voices..worries...

"R u 2 dating?" "I love you" "Are u all a couple, is what i mean." "My gf will stay with me as long as am living." "Not my boyfriend. It's her boyfriend" "I miss you." "Dat's so sweet of you. That's one of the many reason I love you." "I dunno. Wait. What do you mean by dating?" "It's fate, u see. Angel and demon cant never be together." "Well i hope you know abt this if he ask you to be his girlfriend...cos you deserve to be with a guy who is faithful to one girl" "Dont ever say it's fate again." "You are simply wonderful." "Dont let facebook and friendster make you think nonsense k" "I love you too." "R u 2 official?" "You are everything dat I wan" "Why do you always go out with him? He has a gf, hasnt he?" "I'll not go over bound, neither should you. We'll be best ever best friend.though it will b hard,but our relationship will last 4ever!" "I dunno." "It hurts me 2say even a word bout we're just frens." "Will he treat you as how he treats his current gf when the both of you really get together?" "Love you..you know i really do."

------------!!!!!!!!!말하지 말라!!!!!!!!!!-------------

Oppss sorry...again...

I need to make a formal apology...
I know what I said sounds rude and mean... I apologize for that... I just couldnt control the 'volume' of those words and they sound really 'loud'...
Please forgive me... Am now trying hard to 'lower down the volume'... And am still learning... I do not know how to show my feelings and how much I care in a more 'soft spoken' way as I was brought up under this environment - they shout to show how much they care...

Sometimes I dont think I deserve you, you are too good... Am not only ordinary but also loud. Shame on me!!! that you have to put up with my temper and bad behaviour... I seriously think I dont deserve... Do I?

Am spoilt...

Am spoilt..Not by my parents, but by you..
'You' who are you?How should I call you? A friend? More than that? A date? A crush?

I dont hav to do the chores when you are around. Even when you came to our house for dinner, you would wash the dishes for me. Am afraid when you are gone, am bk to the maid life...

I use my brain less these days coz you will guess what I want to say, when I lost the words. Am kinda scared that I would suffer alzheimer's disease at young age when you are not around...

I dont hav to spend a penny when I am with you coz You hav never allowed me to pay when we go out. Am scared one day if I left my money at home, I would neet to beg for food, when you are not around.

You've made me a parasite. Keep taking from you, but never benefit you. You've made me a spoilt child. Am scared when you are gone, I will cry like a abandoned kid at a dark and cold corner...I can see the dark corner is coming near...

Wish that will never come true...

Few days ago was my big day. I gathered all my courage to make a wish. I was greedy enough to make a BIG wish that will not come true...



I wish you were the one,

I wish you were the last one,

I wish you were the right one,

I wish I didn’t have to soul search anymore,

Because you are the one I want.


This was my wish... a wish that will never come true...
하느님, I know I've asked too much from you, I know you are unlikely to grant me this burdday wish. I knew and I know...
하지만 이 남자를 많이 좋아해요...성실해...
하느님, 저를 인도하세요...맞는 경로에 지도하세요...