Well, I didnt know it was I or the wave of the fm isnt that strong at this area... I heard a man was killed at my mom's hometown...as it has been 12 hours we have not contacted each other, my heart, shrunk, and I started linking some silly stories in my mind. I couldnt make a phone call to confirm as I was afraid that "what if he's sleeping, I'd have woke him up with my own silly imagination." I couldnt check online, as I was busy preparing the test paper for my students and material for the class of the day. I left him a msg. "Baby...if you see this msg,pls reply..hugz"
I couldnt tell how hard it was to hold the fear, to hold the tears stay behind the eyes...It was really hard to teach with a happy face, I mean hyperactive face, as my students are all kids. I almost had a personality split. Looking at the mobile, hoping for a reply from him.
Suddenly the phone vibrated, it was him...It was HIM!!!! What a relief...
I'm grateful that he's fine as usual, laughing at my foolishness...
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
The 26th Dec
The day after christmas..the day was a bit depressed. Even the sky was holding its pressure, holding its tears. A few drops in the morning, forcing itself to smile in the afternoon. Finally, it eased a bit in the evening. But it still compressing its pressure.
I was a bit groomy this morning. Going to work with a grumpy face. The little ones asked me to make a wish out of the sudden, to entertain her, I really wrote my wish. She asked me to write 4 wishes. Everyone got to write 4. The end of the class, she said 'today is a busy day,' I asked 'why?' 'I need to buy all these presents for you.' I was shocked, was thinking 'is she serious? oh man, I shouldnt have written those wishes. Her mom will scold her for being crazy or silly' The devil side of me said 'I should have written something like books, or toys so that I get those presents' Anyway, her little move did make me smile a little. At noon, I couldnt hold the stress. And....
Then in the afternoon, there were 3 little cutties brought their own christmas CD, asking me to play the song for them and they want to fill in the missing words in the lyrics. As I was busy setting up the test paper, I let them do whatever they wanted. I sent a student home, he tried to show me his house. After I dropped him, he kept reminding me how's the route to get to his house.
In the evening, I rushed to a Christmas-year end-party. It was the happiest moment of the day when I got to meet my friends. Although the things we did were normal stuff, we laughed our lungs out. I'm grateful that I went to that party when my mind get a rest from the missing part in the mind and soul.
I was a bit groomy this morning. Going to work with a grumpy face. The little ones asked me to make a wish out of the sudden, to entertain her, I really wrote my wish. She asked me to write 4 wishes. Everyone got to write 4. The end of the class, she said 'today is a busy day,' I asked 'why?' 'I need to buy all these presents for you.' I was shocked, was thinking 'is she serious? oh man, I shouldnt have written those wishes. Her mom will scold her for being crazy or silly' The devil side of me said 'I should have written something like books, or toys so that I get those presents' Anyway, her little move did make me smile a little. At noon, I couldnt hold the stress. And....
Then in the afternoon, there were 3 little cutties brought their own christmas CD, asking me to play the song for them and they want to fill in the missing words in the lyrics. As I was busy setting up the test paper, I let them do whatever they wanted. I sent a student home, he tried to show me his house. After I dropped him, he kept reminding me how's the route to get to his house.
In the evening, I rushed to a Christmas-year end-party. It was the happiest moment of the day when I got to meet my friends. Although the things we did were normal stuff, we laughed our lungs out. I'm grateful that I went to that party when my mind get a rest from the missing part in the mind and soul.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
A Crying Baby
I have never thought my existence will be a trouble to you...
that you have to go deal all the hardship I put you through, that you have to accept all the sneers that they gave you....all the blames they pin on you...
I have never thought my sudden visit would be an annoyance to you...
that you have to stop whatever you are doing in order to entertain me, that you have to accompany me till my business is done, that you have to sacrifice your precious hours on me...
There are lots more things that I have never thought of...
that I need you so much, that you are what I treasure most, you are what I believe in...
that you have to go deal all the hardship I put you through, that you have to accept all the sneers that they gave you....all the blames they pin on you...
I have never thought my sudden visit would be an annoyance to you...
that you have to stop whatever you are doing in order to entertain me, that you have to accompany me till my business is done, that you have to sacrifice your precious hours on me...
There are lots more things that I have never thought of...
that I need you so much, that you are what I treasure most, you are what I believe in...
Friday, November 7, 2008
To hope or not to hope
When you are very in love with s1,you would want to spend 24-7 with that person...You would even want to create a heaven of you two together....and you would say 'I want to be with you for the rest of my life'...that's why you both made a move and proceeded, and you both gave each other a wonderful gift HE gave you...
However, Life is always unpredictable. This second you are deep in love with her, the next second you might be crazy over him...so what does the vow that you made suppose to mean, which you said you want to buit a heaven and walk the path with that person?
I totally understand, everything that was said while the two persons were in fire WAS true, but the promise was only 'valid' for that time being...No one can guarantee any1 could be together forever...I know that very well...yet I still feel sad what is wished for, cant be realized..
So is not making any promises the good way to keep a relationship goes on, as there's no disappoinment if there isnt a hope? Not to me... I will still hope... if there isnt a hope, our life will be like the water flows in the river, we doesnt know where it will go, where it will stop at or when it will stop flowing. And is it because we try to take control over it and we want to mould the future that we are thrown by some visible and invisible problems?
Some ppl always say when we come we come alone, with nothing, so when we go bk we go back alone and with nothing too...dont try to own so many thing in life...live a simple life...
p.s any1 if wanna shoot me...just feel free to shoot...
life is filled with sad things lately...
However, Life is always unpredictable. This second you are deep in love with her, the next second you might be crazy over him...so what does the vow that you made suppose to mean, which you said you want to buit a heaven and walk the path with that person?
I totally understand, everything that was said while the two persons were in fire WAS true, but the promise was only 'valid' for that time being...No one can guarantee any1 could be together forever...I know that very well...yet I still feel sad what is wished for, cant be realized..
So is not making any promises the good way to keep a relationship goes on, as there's no disappoinment if there isnt a hope? Not to me... I will still hope... if there isnt a hope, our life will be like the water flows in the river, we doesnt know where it will go, where it will stop at or when it will stop flowing. And is it because we try to take control over it and we want to mould the future that we are thrown by some visible and invisible problems?
Some ppl always say when we come we come alone, with nothing, so when we go bk we go back alone and with nothing too...dont try to own so many thing in life...live a simple life...
p.s any1 if wanna shoot me...just feel free to shoot...
life is filled with sad things lately...
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
o que significa
o que significa quando as coisas não começ melhor do que antes?
quando se não ousar mesmo dizer a seus amigos que está em um relacionamento?
a única explanação que você se deu é... ele é tímida
quando tiver muitas borboletas cerca-o...e está feliz? e é orgulhoso dele?
a única razão que você se deu é... você é afortunada que você é esse escolhe
quando flertar abertamente...
tudo que você pode fazer é somente relógio e olhar fixo...quietamente...
e a suas altas respostas?
tudo que você poderia fazer é pode somente fechar um olho e abrir um olho...
que ele todos os meios quando você puder somente manter o silêncio, for ignorante, engole todo seu descontentamento? quando você actuou autístico outra vez?
você foi insano…
somos pesarosos
quando se não ousar mesmo dizer a seus amigos que está em um relacionamento?
a única explanação que você se deu é... ele é tímida
quando tiver muitas borboletas cerca-o...e está feliz? e é orgulhoso dele?
a única razão que você se deu é... você é afortunada que você é esse escolhe
quando flertar abertamente...
tudo que você pode fazer é somente relógio e olhar fixo...quietamente...
e a suas altas respostas?
tudo que você poderia fazer é pode somente fechar um olho e abrir um olho...
que ele todos os meios quando você puder somente manter o silêncio, for ignorante, engole todo seu descontentamento? quando você actuou autístico outra vez?
você foi insano…
somos pesarosos
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
It's complicated
The relationship of all things in life is complicated from the beginning.
It's hard, from the starts, I know when I decided to make the move.
It's going to be hard, I know when I took up the role.
There'll be lots of questions, I'll drown,
I know, and I should be prepared.
We will be fine, that's what I hope.
We will be great, that's what I wish.
Basically, I dont know what I want to blog... there are so much things I wanna say but I dont know how to put them in sentence. There are so much doubts I wanna make clear of, but I dont know where to start. There are so many questions I wanna ask, but I dont know who to ask. There are so many empty places I should fill with a full-stop, but I dont know why I should stop. There are many times I wanna run away, but I dont know Why I should run, Where I should hide, Who exactly I wanna run away from and What should I do after running away.
and that's why, am still stucked here, cracking my head, crying in the pillow for a reason. Or no reason.
이것은 생활이다...그리고 이것은 복잡합니다...
It's hard, from the starts, I know when I decided to make the move.
It's going to be hard, I know when I took up the role.
There'll be lots of questions, I'll drown,
I know, and I should be prepared.
We will be fine, that's what I hope.
We will be great, that's what I wish.
Basically, I dont know what I want to blog... there are so much things I wanna say but I dont know how to put them in sentence. There are so much doubts I wanna make clear of, but I dont know where to start. There are so many questions I wanna ask, but I dont know who to ask. There are so many empty places I should fill with a full-stop, but I dont know why I should stop. There are many times I wanna run away, but I dont know Why I should run, Where I should hide, Who exactly I wanna run away from and What should I do after running away.
and that's why, am still stucked here, cracking my head, crying in the pillow for a reason. Or no reason.
이것은 생활이다...그리고 이것은 복잡합니다...
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
compression
s1 reached my limit...
sitting in some kind of direct sales meeting, bored to the max and it's killing me...I know it's rude to sms while sby giving a speech, coz what i showed i didnt respect the speaker. I do not need any1 of you to remind me of that, i know it very well coz i used to give speech every week.
However, I couldnt stop myself from not doing that. I needed to divert my frustration and transform my impatience to other form of energy, so that i would not walk off when s1 is sharing his or her achievement of the month on the stage. That would be even rude, if I did that. I sat quietly, kept reminding myself that take it as another usual toastmaster meeting at uni. And, I managed to sit till the last minute of the meeting.
It was suppose to be a happy meeting, where every1 celebrated their fellow colleagues's success. And I was supposed to cherish with my two other old friends, who hav achieved their goal in the business. I am happy for them.
I know they like this business so much, I know you see your future in it. I will not stop you from pursuing your dream, but do not force me to pursue the dream that you long for as it is not my dream. I appreciate the energy and the motivation you have, I will borrow them to build my career too, but do not force me to use those positive energy to do something that I do not like...and made me sat in the test of testing my patience, that was the most painful part of knowing you...
sitting in some kind of direct sales meeting, bored to the max and it's killing me...I know it's rude to sms while sby giving a speech, coz what i showed i didnt respect the speaker. I do not need any1 of you to remind me of that, i know it very well coz i used to give speech every week.
However, I couldnt stop myself from not doing that. I needed to divert my frustration and transform my impatience to other form of energy, so that i would not walk off when s1 is sharing his or her achievement of the month on the stage. That would be even rude, if I did that. I sat quietly, kept reminding myself that take it as another usual toastmaster meeting at uni. And, I managed to sit till the last minute of the meeting.
It was suppose to be a happy meeting, where every1 celebrated their fellow colleagues's success. And I was supposed to cherish with my two other old friends, who hav achieved their goal in the business. I am happy for them.
I know they like this business so much, I know you see your future in it. I will not stop you from pursuing your dream, but do not force me to pursue the dream that you long for as it is not my dream. I appreciate the energy and the motivation you have, I will borrow them to build my career too, but do not force me to use those positive energy to do something that I do not like...and made me sat in the test of testing my patience, that was the most painful part of knowing you...
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