A snobbish person

I think she has too much freedom. To a person who has not been through a hard life could say that.

"你试下着住2寸高争鞋，9点企到7点半，由bangsar搭车搭到masjid jamek,行路出去再由masjid jamek搭车搭到salak selatan,无凳坐，由街灯未着到着，lrt行左7堂（8-15分钟一堂），德士走左16堂，如果你唔忍德既话，你无及格话我巴姿闭！"

A person who sometimes forgets to be grateful, A person blames her appearance because it is passed down from her father. You chose to walk that distance on those shoes, whom to blame if not yourself. You showed your sour face to everyone in the house. You judged and laughed at my remarks as if I'm was saying the most ridiculous thing in the world. Yes, I do not know how to judge a football game, I was saying to myself, at my home, WHO CARES if my comment is stupid. Kau tu berlagak sangat buat pe? I know you know a lot. You don't have to throw that on my face.

Doesn't Chinese school teach modesty? Doesn't Chinese school teach you respect your elders? Because our Malay school does. Where have you wasted our dad money on your tuition fee? Where have you chucked your lessons from school? Our father teaches us to respect, the same father as you have, but what have you learnt? I don't know. I only know, for your own sake, you could ignore all human kind, including your parents. Kau tu yang mengagung-agungkan penjaga you tu buat pe? Mak bapaku berpeluh-peluh,menjemu di bawah matahari tu bayar kepada 'mak' yang kau asyik menjunjungi tu. Kau tidak pernah nampak keadaan tu, lagi tidak pernah berdiri di sana mahupun seminit, tidaklah aku harap kau bayangkan. You have no sense of sympathy, appreciation, gratefulness.

Respect! When my friends came to our house, you acted cool like an iceberg. HELLO!!!! My friends don't owe you any money. When your friends came, did I put on my sour face? When my friend came, I asked you politely to give out your bed to my friend, so that my friend and I could share the same room. Apa hal dengan kau ni? Bilik kakak saya 10 kali baik daripada bilik kami, katilnya juga baik dan lembut. You refused. Have you gone any of your friend's house and stay over night your friend asked you to stay with their sisters? I haven't met yet. No matter how small the room is, all of use, mind you, ALL OF US, cramped in a room. I bet anyone would want to stay with their friend, the feeling of secure. I bet you are too protected. When your friend came, I offered the other half of our room to you and your friend. Because I know your friend would not want to share a room with someone she barely knows. You lack of consideration.

What more can I say? Sharing a room with you is tiring. You have mood swing. You know what I do to my friends who frequently have mood swing? I stay away from them. You said you want to stay away from negative-energy-generators, take a mirror, look into it, you are one of them too.

Lord, What should I do?

I miss this person so much that I dont even dare to call him and let him know. Neither do I dare, just to drop a message on his MSN. If you dont love me anymore, then why don't you tell that straight to my face. Why did you vegetablelize me, terminate me with this suffocation? I have never, never thought you are a cruel, cruel man. Every minute I tried to prove that I was wrong, but every second you try you wreck it. Just tell me what you want, and I will be disappeared.

“痴人说梦话”

你对每个人都系开心既，但就同我讲你好down。 唔知道几时开始我对你来讲是噪咶，是种烦恼。

你我是否等紧其中一方讲出口，做这个丑人，被挂上‘背叛对方的爱’这个名词。

唔知几时开始，我地唔再讲话，就算睇到对方都视如不见。

等待，等待时机，籍口，理由同你讲嘢。

亦都唔知道几时开始，同你讲嘢都惊烦到你。

佢地话我应该给你些许时间。

睇来我是唔应该打扰你，給你所需的安宁。

我净係唔想你一個人钻牛角尖，净係想陪伴你。

静静地，静静地陪伴你...

净係想每日令你开心，但是你觉得我好烦

我真是要由你一個？

It's a complete circle

The 1st month I came to this new place, I was assigned to teach level 8 & 9. I was the class teacher for level 8 and 2nd teacher for Level 9. It will be the same in next month.

It is a good news for me to teach level 9. Hopefully I'll have the same bach of lovely yet naughty students again. Although some of the students drive me up the wall, they are cute and I miss the class. I miss the student who always raised his hand and asked me to check his work. Asking me to why i didnt give him attention when other students interrupted his question. Students who always smiled and laughed at everything you said.

Today, I met a student who was from Level 8 in Feb. He asked me if I missed his class and him. He is still as naughty as the 1st time I saw him, cute as he always is.

What a coincidence, on the day I decided to leave, everything comes to as how it started

A uni Nanny

I thought leaving the language centre means I dont have to babysit any kids anymore. I didnt know, now I have to even babysit university students.

Today I have a new class, new students as it's a new term. I have a hyperactive student in my class. He's 25 but still acting like a kid, yeah, is the one who's famous for his line 'Teacher, why you no attention me?" When I glared at him to indicate him to be quiet, he pouted then walked to the back of the class.

The arabic students are afraid to be outshone by the iranians, so they made complaints at the office. Oh man, it was only the first day of class. And we were playing games. If you feel intimidated, try to outshine them.

In a way, it was my bad too. I should have controlled the class. It is my weakness. I dont know how to controll them, one of the students wrote in the feedback sheet.

I have to take care of their feelings. The weaker ones will annoy the strongers. I cant always wait till the weaker ones to fully understand the grammar rules. The good ones will be bored and annoyed, and yawned in front of me.

I always wonder how did Ms Evelyn do this? Balance the scale? Or were we too sane or are they insane? And they are too demanding. They seem will never understand there's no free lunch in this world. If you want to be promoted to a higher level, work hard. But 'hardworking' doesnt seem to appear in their lexicons.

Ended up we have to babysit them. To teach them from manner to grammar, then to a uni students who able to stand on their own feet.

Even the iron lady is defeated this time.

They do not believe in you. They couldnt believe I am being treated like this - dumped, ignored yet I still stood by. What is the difference between my old grandma and I? Her husband bit her but she never leave him. He didnt work hard all his life, in fact he was always drunk thru out his life, she worked, toilled to support the family. There's no difference, it's all because of FAITH. I have faith in you But you kept me disappointed.

I've told myself before that I shouldn't care about who make the 1st move. If I truly fall for this person, I shouldnt care the previlege that a girl should have. It's 21st century, girls can take up boys' role. But in their heads, no matter how the world changes, girls should be treated like princess. And they kept injecting this to my head that I shouldnt deprive a girl's gift.

I have my own life, own principles that they will never understand. I dont care how the world sees me. I believe I should strive for what I want, so that when I was defeated, I would have no regrets at least I tried. However, we cant clap with just a hand. No matter how hard one party tries, the tune just wouldnt sound.

There are many words that I want to sing. But I always think of the consequences that it brings, and what result I want it to give. Negatives effects, I'll just swallow all of them. Positive effects, I'll make them into a melody. But these days, I couldnt differentiate them anymore. Have I not been manage my own thoughts lately? or I havent been playing the organ for a long time that I've forgotten how beautiful a melody can be.

I know the other hand is working hard too, perhaps. As I always say, busy is the word for a better future. Perhaps neither you nor I see the effects now. But who are you and who am I to object his hardworking. Hence, I choose to be the one supporting what you do quietly.

P.S Sorry mama, if this broke your heart again. I couldnt always live up to your expectation, I have my own life too.

Same old SH*T happening again...

After so many years, the same old Sh*t happening again. I totally have confidence in you. Why do you want to say sth like that to shake my confidence. Well, I definitely understand that you just want to wake me up from this ignorance that I fall in.

I kept looking for reasons, excuses for you. I understand that we need time. We are both still young. We need time for our own. But they dont see it. They dont understand how we live.

All the sudden, their words recall some memories in the past. They are just being protective. They are just afraid I will be hurt again, waiting for something that will not blossom.

You shook me, scolding me that I should stop being silly again, said I should have learnt from the mistake. I am hurt that you dont see what I believe in. I am sad that I did not protect you enough. I am falling because I am falling deep and hard again.